Of Fucking Course...

So. One of the reasons we didn't make it to the fireworks was because Dennis had to be up and out the door at 5am on Sunday, with the kids, to get to his sister's wedding 4 hours away (come on, who gets married on a fucking holiday weekend, 4 hours from where the entire family lives, and requests that no kids attend? Really? Sounds like an UNvitation to me...whatthefuckever...)

I couldn't get Sunday off from work and I was NOT letting him leave on Saturday and ruining MY 4th.

I was shocked and amazed that he was on the road at 5am.

I was thrilled to be left all by my lonesome. I went back to bed and slept til 10am. I farted around the house in my underwear. I stuffed my face with a big pile of french toast. I took a long shower... long enough to actually shave things.

I had a really easy night at work.

Today was my day to accomplish things not easily accomplished with the kids in tow.

Clean house. Vacuum. Laundry. Grocery Shop. Get home with plenty of time to dick around on computer before it's time to go to work. I was most looking forward to the shopping... I know, so pathetic, but the grocery store with the Deaf kid and the kid who doesn't listen is pure torture.

I'm up, showered, coffeed, and out the door by 9:30am. I make it as far as the top step when I see the back tire on Dennis' truck is flat as a fucking pancake.

I'm a girl.

I don't change tires.

I never renewed our AAA.

Fuck.

Call to neighbor/friend/coworker to see if she wants my shift tonight. She declines but offers up her hot husband's manly tire changing services.

Sweet.

So instead of shopping, I hang out in the driveway ogling watching friend's hot husband get nice and sweaty fight with the spare tire. The hot poor thing does his bestest but can't free the spare. He gets enough air in the tire to get me safely to a gas station where I can get some fix-a-flat and fill it with more air.

But I'm a girl.

I don't put fix-a-flat or air in tires.

Fuck.

Everyone is at the fucking wedding. No one around to fucking help me now.

Call to Dennis who makes call to ex brother-in-law who agrees to meet me at gas station.

Call to friend thanking her for hot husband. Admit to friend that husband is yummy eye candy and there may have been some ogling. Friend is happy that I enjoyed the view.

Ex brother-in-law is a sweetheart, and a mechanic and gets spare tire on in no time.

Ex brother-in-law inquires as to whereabouts of Dennis and kids.

Myself and ex brother-in-law share awkward moment as I tell him where they are.

At his ex-wife's wedding.

ya.

Now. I'm finally home and barely have enough time to blog about day's events (instead of planned blog fodder of Graham's new found love of being naked, Graham's new found talent of pooping on the potty, super awesome fun video of kids on huge blow up slide, and Dottie's ever increasing fucking adorableness)...before going to fucking work.

And....

I'm off....