Friday, July 17, 2009

The Best Laid Posts...


If you've been reading here long enough, you know all about my fecally challenged child and his reluctance to poop on the potty.

If you're new, let's take a stroll down BM lane shall we?

There was the time I was punished for getting some morning lovin'.

The time the tree was thankful it couldn't smell.

One time Graham AND Olive were covered in shit.

I even read his filthly little mind once.

And then I went and took a little peek into his future.

There is much much more if you care to read and have a strong stomach.

We had a poop breakthrough recently, thanks to the Tooth Fairy. He lost a tooth, which got him a little cash, which got him a yard sale video.

This kid is no dummy. He soon realized that money could get him things, his favorite things being DVD's. He tried yanking out another tooth so he could score some more bread, but it didn't work.

I'm no dummy either. I told him if he poops on the potty, I'll give him money, and when he has enough then he can buy a DVD.

50 cents a crap.

It worked.

For the past two weeks he's been going every day. Sometimes more than once. On. The. Potty.

He's so very pleased with himself. As am I.

In just two weeks it's become routine enough that he forgets to ask for the money half the time.

So I had this great post planned; the victorious poop post, declaring the war over once and for all.

Until yesterday...

I woke up and found this; (please to be ignoring hideous couch which is usually covered in slightly less hideous slipcover which was unfortunately in the wash)

Hey Graham,

I want my fucking $3.50 back.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dottie Talk.

I've mentioned it before, and yes, I'm rubbing it in... Graham's school has a 5 week summer program which started yesterday. Yay. Graham and I were equally excited as he got on the bus.

I couldn't wait to spend some 1:1 time with Dottie. When Graham is around, Dottie is not allowed to do anything, touch a toy, read a book, sing, dance or even talk. He dictates her every move. He's a typical jerky big brother.

So as soon as he was gone, I took her to the playground for a couple hours. As I got her buckled into her car seat she showed me a little yellow flower that she'd picked, I asked her how it smelled, which led to this conversation that almost made me run the car off the road:



"It smell nice. Booful. It not smell like poop. Me not pooping. Flower not pooping."

No, flowers don't poop.

"Me poop in diaper. Mommy poops on potty."

That's right Sweetie.

"Flower not have diaper."

Does the flower have a name?

"It name doggie. It like a wolf. Like puppies."

That's a good name for a flower.

"It not have fwip fwops. It not have feet. Graham have fwip fwops."

You're so dang cute....Did you have fun at the playground?

"Me did. Me running..... OH!! Look out! Fwiper coming!!"

What's Swiper doing?

"Fwiper the Fox! Him in a forest. Him sneaky."

He is very sneaky.

"Oh no! I see Ahmadildo!"

A what?

"See it? Ahmadildo! Him in trouble! Fwiper gonna get Ahmadildo! Me save him. FWIPER NO FWIPING!!"

Did you save the ARMADILLO?

"Me did. Me like Ahmadildo. Him nice."

Good job Dottie.

"Me like you Mom. Me like my friend Daddy too."

Mommy and Daddy like you too.

"Me like Graham. Him nice."

Really Sweetie? Graham's nice to you.

"Yeah. He like my brother. He my friend."

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Couple Firsts...

I live very close to the ocean. There are beaches everywhere. I never go.

When Graham was younger he didn't like the wind and the sand. Forget about getting him anywhere near the water. Then Dottie came along and I couldn't bear the thought of dragging anxious Graham and a baby to the beach. (Not to mention the commotion I would cause as people alert the media that they've spotted the elusive Atlantic Albino Walrus)

So we never go.

Last evening, the weather was perfect, still warm and sunny and just the right breeze. We grabbed a couple buckets and shovels and headed on down.

The beach was packed even though it was 5pm.

The kids were happy filling and dumping buckets for a while. Neither of them were interested in going near the water. We took a little walk and looked for pretty rocks and shells.

Graham saw a little boy about his age coming out of the water in just his swim trunks.

"I want my shirt off."

He's only starting to do that. Wanting to do what other kids his age are doing. So we lost the shirt and rolled up his pants.

The little boy whom Graham was copying stood and stared at Graham, looking equally curious and terrified. The scars, the tube. I could see him struggling to stifle the question;

What the heck is going on there??

I'm used to answering the hearing aid question, and it's easy for kids to understand; "They help him hear just like glasses help people see". This was new territory for me. I felt sort of bad for the kid, but at the same time I wanted to mess with him for gawking;

"It's how we plug him at night, so his batteries don't run out. Everyone has one. Where's yours?"

I noticed other reactions too as Graham ran around.

The perfect mommy with her three perfect children and perfect husband. She gave me that look of pity that I've come to hate.

The couple in their 60's sitting close to us, reading, watching the children. They couldn't stop smiling as they watched Graham. The woman didn't take her eyes off of him. I thought maybe there is a 'special' kid in their family. She gave me sweet, knowing smiles, nothing of pity, just happy to be watching a special kid.

I liked her reaction best.

Graham ended up surprising me once again and actually took to the water. I taught him how to jump over the little waves as they rolled in. He kicked and splashed and didn't want to leave.

Love the butt crack.

Dottie is cute, if you haven't heard.



Of course there's video.

video

Saturday, July 11, 2009

7/11/03

June 30, 2003 was a Monday. It was a beautiful Summer day. Dennis and I were up early with Graham who had a very important date with a very important man.

We met Rusty at the scheduled time and place and discussed what would be happening. Rusty took out a purple marker and started drawing on Graham's naked body explaining what he was going to do;

"One incision from the middle of his abdomen going all the way across. He already has this one from his initial CDH repair, I'll just be extending that so it's one big scar. With this one incision, I'll be able to remove his left kidney (x marking the kidney spot), go up and perform the fundoplication (marking with an x again) and I'll finish off with placing the g-tube. And then we're done. Oh! The circumcision! You sure you guys trust me with that?"

There is nothing I wouldn't trust this guy to do. I am quite certain that Rusty is the only guy on the planet who could have kept Graham alive.

We left Graham in Uncle Rusty's capable hands, gave the nurse liaison our cell phone numbers, and left the hospital. Like I said, it was a beautiful day and we weren't about to waste it sitting in a waiting room.

We walked from Children's all the way to Fenway. On the way back we walked along a little river. We passed by happy joggers, bicyclists, rollerbladers, just as we had many times before. We'd always been sad walking along this river. This time we got to be happy walkers.

We got an update or two from the nurse, everything was fine. Graham would be headed to the ICU as a precaution because he'd been intubated and may need to spend a couple days up there until he could breathe on his own again.

He was already breathing on his own when we got up there to see him. Without the NG tube stuck up his nose, it was the first time we'd ever seen his bare face. I hadn't cried sending him into surgery, but I lost it when I saw his perfect little three month old face with no tubes.

Rusty came in shortly after we'd gotten there, beaming like a proud papa himself. And as if I didn't love him enough already, the first thing he says to us after removing a vital organ and doing major construction on our child's stomach;

"His penis looks great!"

And he whips down his diaper to show off his handy work. Still teary from seeing Graham's face, now I was laughing hysterically.

During the three months that we'd been at Children's, I never once asked when we'd be going home. I knew that these babies could be fine one day and gone the next. I knew enough not to ask questions that didn't have answers. I still wasn't about to ask when Rusty told us;

"I think another three or four weeks and you can take him home. He just needs to tolerate his feeds, and keep gaining weight."

I chose not to believe that it would only be three more weeks. I'd learned to stop expecting things from Graham way back in the dark days of the ICU. Three or four weeks would be great. Three or four months wouldn't have surprised me either.

Exactly one week later, Monday July 7th, Rusty stopped in after rounds. I'm glad he chose to speak to me privately, because when he told me that we were going home on Friday all I could say was;

"Holy Shit!"

And he laughed.

"Holy Shit!! No fucking way!!"

He just shook his head and laughed his way out of the room as I repeated over and over;

"Holy Shit, Holy Shit, Holy Shit!!!"

Graham had done so well that instead of three or four weeks post op, he was ready in less than two.

That last week was busy.

A doctor from every specialty in medicine had to sign off on his discharge.

Dozens of follow up appointments had to be made.

A local pediatrician willing to take on Graham had to be found and brought up to speed.

We had to get set up with a medical supply company that would provide the feeding pump, bags and formula.

Graham had to pass the car seat test. He had to sit in his carseat without his oxygen sats dropping for the time it would take to get him home. Of course he slept through it like a champ and never dropped a speck.

He also had to have a hearing test. Which he of course passed, as I knew he would.

As word got out that he was going home, we got visitors from everyone who had taken care of him, ICU nurses, ECMO techs, physical therapists, and his original surgical team, Ed and Sid, (Mike had already finished his residency and moved to Philadelphia).

Ed had a hard time when things were bad with Graham. He had young children himself, and I could tell he felt my pain, he always looked heartbroken for me. It was nice to finally see him smiling.

Sid was the last to visit, the day before we left. We reminisced about the rollercoaster ICU ride. He admitted being sure that Graham wasn't going to make it. With fingers pinched in front of his eyes he told me;

"He survived by the smallest of percentiles."

He congratulated us on leaving the acute phase of the condition and entering the chronic phase. Always the realists these doctors, he made sure I was aware that CDH kids have the biggest bounce back rate and are readmitted frequently. I could count on at least one admission for pneumonia, and these babies aren't considered out of the woods until they survive their first winter.

"And make sure you get his hearing tested again. It can take a year or so to show up and he is at a VERY high risk for significant hearing loss."

I didn't take any of his warnings seriously. We wouldn't be back, I knew it.

Of course I thanked him profusely for everything and couldn't resist giving him a hug.

The next morning, July 11, 2003, 101 days after he was born Graham was finally on his way home.

Sid's a smart guy and all, but he was wrong about a bunch of stuff. Graham has never had pneumonia. Never a respiratory problem whatsoever. His first winter went by without any illness. He's hardly ever sick. He's never been on antibiotics. His only readmissions have been for stomach issues.

Oh yeah. Deaf Kid.

Lucky guess.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Summer Storms and Nudies.

If you've been anywhere in the Northeast U.S. in the last month you've been rained on. A lot.

If you have school age kids who are home on "summer" vacation, you are probably losing your mind. A lot.

Last week we not only had plenty of rain, but also thunderstorms, which I thoroughly enjoy. Our first was last Wednesday. I'd had the kids at the mall all morning, got home, threw lunch at them, threw Dottie in bed, threw a DVD in for Graham and fell asleep.

I awoke to Graham lying next to me in my bed;

"Mom?"

nudge

"MOM?"

"Hmmmmmm?"

"Mom? I hear it. You hear it? It's a summer storm."

It was a good one too. It woke Dottie up. I turned off all the lights and we sat on the couch and watched the show. Graham signed "lightening" excitedly at each flash. One crack was so loud, I ran to check out the swing set, sure I was going to find it had been struck.

Dottie sat wide eyed and trembling, insisting;

"Me not scared. Me not scared. Me like fun storms."

She lies. She was petrified.

Back to Graham crawling into bed with me. When I reached my hand over sleepily to see what creature had interrupted my snooze, I was met with his.... ummmm....yeaaaaaahhh...

He was naked.

He's been doing that a lot. Just appearing naked with a proud, "TA DAAAAH!!"

He'd requested a hot dog for supper one night. Of course I obliged and when it was done I called him into the kitchen to get his dog ....aaaaaand...naked.

He did it outside at my sister's on the 4th. Just appeared on the dock nude for no apparent reason.

He did it tonight while running laps around the house with his friend Lily: Fully clothed living room, fully clothed kitchen, fully clothed dining room, fully clothed living room, fully clothed kitchen, fully clothed dining room.....aaaaaaand.... NAKED!

We've stopped calling him Graham. His new name is Johnson.

And now for the video portion of this post.

After driving through a monsoon, I managed to get the kids safely to the indoor play place for a play date with Graham's friend K (a la this post).

It was worth risking all our lives. Graham was finally able to manage the slide by himself. He spent the entire two hours on the thing.
video

We finished off the playdate with a trip to McDonalds.



I wonder when the sight of Graham scarfing down a burger will stop blowing my mind.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Of Fucking Course...

So. One of the reasons we didn't make it to the fireworks was because Dennis had to be up and out the door at 5am on Sunday, with the kids, to get to his sister's wedding 4 hours away (come on, who gets married on a fucking holiday weekend, 4 hours from where the entire family lives, and requests that no kids attend? Really? Sounds like an UNvitation to me...whatthefuckever...)

I couldn't get Sunday off from work and I was NOT letting him leave on Saturday and ruining MY 4th.

I was shocked and amazed that he was on the road at 5am.

I was thrilled to be left all by my lonesome. I went back to bed and slept til 10am. I farted around the house in my underwear. I stuffed my face with a big pile of french toast. I took a long shower... long enough to actually shave things.

I had a really easy night at work.

Today was my day to accomplish things not easily accomplished with the kids in tow.

Clean house. Vacuum. Laundry. Grocery Shop. Get home with plenty of time to dick around on computer before it's time to go to work. I was most looking forward to the shopping... I know, so pathetic, but the grocery store with the Deaf kid and the kid who doesn't listen is pure torture.

I'm up, showered, coffeed, and out the door by 9:30am. I make it as far as the top step when I see the back tire on Dennis' truck is flat as a fucking pancake.

I'm a girl.

I don't change tires.

I never renewed our AAA.

Fuck.

Call to neighbor/friend/coworker to see if she wants my shift tonight. She declines but offers up her hot husband's manly tire changing services.

Sweet.

So instead of shopping, I hang out in the driveway ogling watching friend's hot husband get nice and sweaty fight with the spare tire. The hot poor thing does his bestest but can't free the spare. He gets enough air in the tire to get me safely to a gas station where I can get some fix-a-flat and fill it with more air.

But I'm a girl.

I don't put fix-a-flat or air in tires.

Fuck.

Everyone is at the fucking wedding. No one around to fucking help me now.

Call to Dennis who makes call to ex brother-in-law who agrees to meet me at gas station.

Call to friend thanking her for hot husband. Admit to friend that husband is yummy eye candy and there may have been some ogling. Friend is happy that I enjoyed the view.

Ex brother-in-law is a sweetheart, and a mechanic and gets spare tire on in no time.

Ex brother-in-law inquires as to whereabouts of Dennis and kids.

Myself and ex brother-in-law share awkward moment as I tell him where they are.

At his ex-wife's wedding.

ya.

Now. I'm finally home and barely have enough time to blog about day's events (instead of planned blog fodder of Graham's new found love of being naked, Graham's new found talent of pooping on the potty, super awesome fun video of kids on huge blow up slide, and Dottie's ever increasing fucking adorableness)...before going to fucking work.

And....

I'm off....

Sunday, July 5, 2009

4th

I was so pissed last year that I had to work on the 4th and couldn't take the kids to see the fireworks. This year, I had the day off and there was no way we were going to miss them.

We started out the day at my sister's. She lives in a cute little house on a cute little pond with a cute little deck.

The kids loved it. The water was a little cold, so nobody went swimming, but at least the sun was shining and it actually felt like summer.

Graham found a book about bugs and he and Dennis read and signed together.

Dottie ate a shit load of watermelon.

Graham tried to catch some sunfish.

For the first time ever, without freaking out completely, Graham went on a boat ride.


video

We got home late in the afternoon and Dottie crashed for a couple hours.

Dennis found some jumping jacks and we lit them in the driveway.

Dottie was scared shitless.

Graham thought it was totally cool.

I don't know why he isn't wearing any pants.

video

We never made it to the fireworks.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Spin Cycle: Kids.

It's been fun watching Graham slowly transition into a normal kid.

He did a normal kid thing on Friday night and lost a tooth. I wish I had taken video of Dennis yanking the sucker out with a pair of pliers.




And since he didn't swallow this one like he did the first two he lost, I got to do the normal Mommy thing and play Tooth Fairy.

The next morning, I took Graham and his Tooth Fairy booty yard saling where he scored a VHS tape of ANTZ.

Like the normal little girl that she is, Dottie spotted a Barbie and had to have the Princess Girl Doll.

We came home with our treasures and the kids had a normal lunch of hot dogs, pickles and chips.

We all took a nap.

When I woke up, I was pleased to see that the sun was shining, Dennis was home, and the time happened to be exactly wine thirty.

The kids woke up happy and were excited to get into the kiddy pool. We got them naked and in they went.

I was reminded of the not normal as I took out Graham's hearing aids and told Dottie that he wouldn't be able to hear her.

Not normal is the road map of scars on Graham's torso, from his neck down his sternum, from side to side across his abdomen, from his armpit all the way down his ribs...I appreciated all the scars and wondered who will be the lucky girl who gets to fall in love with those scars.

Dennis and I lounged on the grass and watched Graham and Dottie play in the pool. We wondered what Graham would be like if he were normal. Not in a longing for a normal kid sort of way, just a simple curious way;


What would his voice sound like if he had all his vocal chords and all his hearing?

What physical activities would he excel at if he wasn't weakened by his rough start?

What foods would he like if he'd eaten food his whole life like a normal kid?


And as the two of them played,

As Graham bent over, farted loudly at Dottie and sang the Stinky Butt Butt song,

As I signed to Graham that it wasn't nice to fart on his sister,

As Graham threw a bucket at Dottie's head,

As he added verses about Poop Poop and Pee Pee to the Stinky Butt Butt song,

As he splashed water at Dottie until she cried,

As he morphed into Spiderman and tackled Dottie,

As I screamed my hands off at Graham to BE. NICE. TO. DOTTIE.,

I wondered...

If he were normal...

Would he be more... or less ...

Of a prick?

******

More spins on kids at Sprite's Keeper.

Twelve Word Tuesday


Ahhh yes Grasshoppah, you have chosen wisely. I have taught you well.....

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Challenged.

Thursday was the official start to Graham's summer vacation (which luckily for me is only three weeks long as his school has a 5 week summer program).

Friday morning, the sun came out for the first time in 12 years and I took the kids to prison. Seriously, the prison in town has an agricultural program and a fantastic (free!) petting zoo. We go all the time.

As long as we steered clear of the scary ass chickens, Graham was fine. The baby goats were so freaking cute I wanted to steal one. The sheep were freshly sheared and also wickedly cute, the alpacas were gorgeous and the pigs...

Not cute pink curly tailed little things. These were enormous, gray, snaggletoothed monsters wallowing in ten inches of mud and....we had the pleasure of watching one of them unload its bowels and proceed to roll around in it. Graham loves poop and even he was grossed out by it. video


We left the animals and since the sun hadn't run away yet, we headed to a playground, one we rarely go to, right on the ocean with lots of sand.

Dottie found some kids with buckets and shovels, plunked herself down and started playing. Graham took off onto the big jungle gym.

A woman with a girl around Dottie's age watched Graham walk by her and I noticed her eyeballing the hearing aids. Everyone eyeballs the hearing aids. I sat and watched Dottie play, and felt the woman staring at me. I wondered if I knew her, but couldn't place her. After a few minutes she walked up to me;


"You're Cristin aren't you? And that's Graham?"

"I know you? I don't think I know you."


But I've known of her for a couple years. She lives in my neighborhood. She has a five year old son. He's deaf. The director of Graham's school was seeing her son for speech therapy when he was a toddler and she'd told us about each other, but we'd never managed to meet up.

And here we were, finally meeting and chatting nicely. She was very nice. Much nicer than me.

She ended up choosing a different kind of school for her son. An all oral school. She chose not to teach her son to sign. She didn't get into the reasons for her decision too deeply, other than the mention of it being a very difficult decision to make.

I mentioned the choice we'd made for Graham was an easy one. We'd looked at all the options but never seriously considered anything else.

She seemed genuinely happy to have met me and promised to call and set up a play date to get the two boys together (he was still in school that day.)

I thought, how interesting it will be to get to know this very nice person (much nicer than me), who was presented with the same challenge, and chose to send her son down a completely different path.

I also saw a challenge placed before me. To not feel like I'd made the better decision for my child. To not consider myself the superior Deaf kid mommy. To allow myself to know that she'd made the best decision for her child.

Which I'm sure she did.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Fuck You Friday: Let me explain....

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.




Though I don't consider myself very interesting, I was given a pretty interesting kid who has a story I consider worth telling. I started this blog to get his story down.

Much to my surprise and delight, I happened upon a bunch of readers who have enjoyed not only stories about Graham, but stories about my life and lots of other nonsense that I've planted here. This band of bloggy folk have showered me with comment love and undeserved niceties. I love them to little bits....

However...

It was pointed out to me recently that this blog is very confusing, that perhaps I need to explain myself, what I'm doing here, and what is expected of my readers and commenters.

Here goes...




*The opinions I share on this blog are the right ones. Cause you know, it's MY BLOG.

*If I want your opinion I'll ask for it.

*I'll likely never ask for your opinion.

*I do not enjoy a good debate, even a friendly one. If you choose to disagree with me, I reserve the right to either delete your offending comment or go crazy ass bitch on you, depends on my mood. (If you really want a good debate, there are oodles of political and sciency blogs out there in which you can wag your bloggy tongue... wag on with your bad self please.)

*I like to tell people off, but only on the blog, never, hardly ever , ok sometimes , never in real life.

*I'm really nice in real life.

*I'm so nice that I've spent the last ten years playing nurse to the sick and dying.

*I will gush about how fucking cute my kids are and post far too many pictures and videos of them.

*I love my kids so fucking much I want to squeeze them 'til their little heads pop off.

*My kids drive me so fucking crazy I want to tear their little heads off.

*My life has been more or less as fucked up as everyone else's.

*If I want your sympathy I'll ask for it.

*I'll likely never ask for fucking sympathy.

*I may post something about a fucked up situation in my life that touches a nerve with a reader. That reader is welcome to take themselves and their fucking touchy nerve on over to another blog that gives a shit about touchy nerves. Or better yet, to their own fucking touchy blog. I don't fucking care.

*This blog is my own little ball of clay to play with as I wish. I go back and edit posts willy nilly, so if old shit comes up in your reader, it means I've been playing.

*I like to swear. A lot. All the time. (Swearing isn't much of an issue with the Deaf kid. If the Hearing kid calls you a Douchebag... my bad.)

*I like to drink wine.

*If I'm blogging on a Thursday or Friday, you can be sure there was wine involved.

*It's my blog, and I will piss, moan, commit sharing violations, offend, make you laugh and make you cry if I want to.

*If you have a problem with that....

*You can Fuck Off.